POV: Don’t call me Love
Don’t call me Love, Lovely, Gorgeous, Honey or Sweetheart. Honestly, I’d rather you ran your nails down a blackboard!
I’ve never understood why complete strangers think that calling me all these sweet names is going to make me buy more from them or that it will make me think that they’ve just given me great customer service.
“Calling me ‘Honey’ is not going to make up for bad customer service, but it will make me forget about good service.”
Here’s what happens in my brain when I go into a shop and, after happily gathering up my purchases, I go to the counter and a very nice person smiles at me sweetly but then says, “Hi Lovely”. The positive thoughts in my head screech to a grinding stop and inwardly I start to feel a bit disrespected, even patronised, because they don’t know me. I’m not their ‘Lovely’. But outwardly I put on a fake smile, play the role that the person is expecting just to be polite, but then I walk out grumbling to myself about this person who doesn’t know me trying to pretend she’s my best friend. I’ve completely forgotten my really nice shopping experience, even that they served me efficiently and packed my items really carefully. All I remember is how I felt when a stranger overstepped the mark and made me feel awkward.
Even yesterday, I waited in line and the 20-something person behind the counter said to the previous customer as she left, “Have a good day Love”. It didn’t sound like it came naturally to her, so I thought it might be her just testing it out. But no. When it came to my turn, and as I started to walk off, I heard, “Have a good day, Love”. Outwardly I smiled back but inwardly I cringed. If she thought it made me feel special, she was wrong, especially since I obviously wasn’t special as she’d said exactly the same words to the person before me and will probably say the same to the person after me too.
Since I’m in the business coaching field, I’m also seeing this approach used a bit in the business platforms, especially those aimed at women. You know the ones, they use words like empowering and meaningful, and they’re often branded in pink, but then they undermine all of that by making you feel not like a professional, but like someone who is supposed to be sweet, delicate, lovely.
The other day I received a broadcast email from one of them which started, “Hi Gorgeous”, and honestly, I sniggered. I thought how ridiculous it was that this business was calling a whole bunch of strangers a term of endearment usually reserved for friends and loved ones, thinking it would make them feel more connected. It didn’t work with me at all, it felt very insincere and certainly not professional. And anyway, on that day I wasn’t feeling particularly gorgeous in my tracky daks so their attempt at pretending that I was special in amongst the hundreds of other people who received the same email landed like a lead balloon.
I know, I know. At this stage you probably want to call me a whole bunch of other names such as Negative Nellie or perhaps even worse, but if it’s ok with you, I’d rather you just called me Kathy (tip, that’s my actual name!).
Now, obviously I’m no spring chicken and I have wondered if it’s an age thing as a lot of more mature people I know hate it as well. Older women often talk about how young folk make them feel a bit diminished when they call them words such as ‘sweetie’ or ‘love’ but actually, I don’t think it’s an age thing or even a female thing - although it probably happens more between females than males. I guess blokes just say, ‘Hi mate’ and that’s worked for them for hundreds of years. Surely I can’t be the only customer who doesn’t enjoy these fake female-led platitudes masquerading as good service.
But I also acknowledge that there are people out there that enjoy these soft, gentle words; they actually do find them endearing, and I guess that’s the problem for anyone in customer service or who is trying to build a personal relationship within a professional or business environment.
My advice? Read the room and err on the side of caution. And if you have a team in customer service, train them to do this too.
Before using words that are normally used by loved ones, take stock of the person that you’re communicating with and whether you know them well enough to be that personal. And also, pay attention to the way that they communicate with you because that will give you a hint as to how you should be with them.
The trick is to mirror back to your customer the way they communicate with you, but with a touch more warmth in your manner to make them feel special.
Warmth in customer service doesn’t come from calling your customers and clients ‘gorgeous’ and ‘sweetheart’. It comes from genuine ‘smiling-with-your-eyes’ smiles, being interested in what they say, using a friendly voice when you speak with them, and not making them feel like just another customer.
“The problem is, if they don’t like it then the first you will ever know about it is that they don’t come back because they’re probably far too polite to tell you when they’re in your store. ”
“But I like calling my customers these words if I don’t know their name,” I hear you say. Fair enough but here’s the first lesson from Business 101 – it’s not about you. It’s always about what your customers like and if you’re not sure if they like it, then don’t do it. And the second lesson, find out their name!
“My customers like it when I use these terms,” you add. Do they? Do they really? Or are they just being polite and smiling because they feel awkward and don’t know how else to respond?
This is one of those times where it’s important to understand ‘Perception is Reality’. Your perception is that you’re being wonderful because you called them love, honey or gorgeous. Their perception is that it was weird, made them feel awkward, and that they didn’t like it at all.
Great customer service is about being a chameleon, adjusting your approach to suit your customers so that they have a really fantastic experience. I’ve said it before, it’s not about you; it’s about the customer.
How do you want your customers to feel when they leave your business? Respected, happy and satisfied, having enjoyed their experience. Or will you risk their last memory being the person that called them a fake platitude and made them feel a little bit foolish? Honestly, if it’s an older female customer, it will almost certainly be discussed at her next catch-up coffee with her best friend.
The problem is, if they don’t like it then the first you will ever know about it is that they don’t come back because they’re probably far too polite to tell you when they’re in your store.
Learn to mirror how your customers relate to you and that way you will know how to give them the service that they enjoy when they come back next time. And also, if you really want to make them feel special, learn their name.