Friendly or Familiar? When Customer Service Gets it Wrong
Don’t call me Love, Lovely, Gorgeous, Honey or Sweetheart. Honestly, I’d rather you ran your nails down a blackboard!
I’ve never understood why complete strangers think that calling me these overly familiar names is going to make me buy more from their store, or leave me thinking that I’ve just received great customer service.
Here’s what happens in my brain when I go into a shop and, after happily gathering up my purchases, I go to the counter and a very nice person smiles at me sweetly but then says, “Hi Lovely”. The positive thoughts in my head screech to a grinding stop and inwardly I start to feel a bit disrespected, even patronised, because they don’t know me. I’m not their ‘Lovely’. Outwardly I might put on a fake smile, play the role that the person is expecting just to be polite, but then I walk out and inwardly I’m grumbling about someone who doesn’t know me pretending they’re my best friend. I’ve completely forgotten my really nice shopping experience and that they probably packed my items perfectly. All I remember is how I felt when a stranger overstepped the mark and made me feel awkward.
Even yesterday, I waited in a line as the person behind the counter said to the customer before me, “Have a good day, Love”. It didn’t sound like it came naturally to them, so I thought they might just be testing it out for size. But sure enough, when it came to my turn to leave, I heard, “Have a good day, Love”. Outwardly I smiled back but inwardly I cringed. If they thought it made me feel special, they were wrong, especially since I obviously wasn’t special as they’d said exactly the same words to the person before me and will probably say them to the person after me too.
“Calling me ‘Honey’ is not going to make up for bad customer service, but it will definitely make me forget about good service.”
I’m also seeing this approach used a bit in the business coaching platforms, especially those aimed at women. You know the ones, they use words like empowering and meaningful, and they’re often branded in pink, but then they undermine all of that by making you feel not like a professional, but like someone who is supposed to be sweet, delicate, lovely female (I’m not sure I’m sweet or delicate, although I hope I’m lovely).
The other day I received a broadcast email from one of them which started, “Hi Gorgeous”, and it made me bristle a little. I thought how odd it was that this business was calling a whole bunch of strangers a term of endearment usually reserved for friends and loved ones, thinking it would make them feel more connected. It didn’t work with me at all, it felt insincere and not particularly professional. And anyway, on that day I wasn’t feeling particularly gorgeous in my tracky daks so their attempt at pretending that I was special in amongst the hundreds of other people who received the same email landed like a lead balloon.
I know, I know. At this stage you probably want to call me a whole bunch of other ‘less nice’ names such as Negative Nellie or perhaps even worse, but if it’s ok with you, I’d rather you just called me Kathy (tip, that’s my actual name!).
Now, obviously I’m no spring chicken and I have wondered if it’s an age thing since a lot of mature people that I know hate it as well. Older women often talk about how young folk make them feel a bit diminished when they refer to them with words such as ‘sweetie’ or ‘love’ but actually, I don’t think it’s an age thing or even a female thing - although it probably happens more amongst females than males. I guess blokes just say, ‘Hi mate’ and that’s worked for them for hundreds of years.
Surely I can’t be the only customer who doesn’t enjoy these fake female-led platitudes masquerading as good service.
But I also acknowledge that there are people out there that enjoy these soft, gentle words. There will be those that find them endearing even if they’re from a complete stranger, and I guess that’s the problem for anyone in customer service or who is trying to build a personal relationship within a professional or business environment.
My advice? Read the room and err on the side of caution. And if you have a team in customer service, train them to do this too.
Before using words to refer to customers that are normally used by their loved ones, take stock of the person that you’re communicating with and whether you know them well enough to be that personal. And at the same time, pay attention to the way that they communicate with you because that will give you a hint as to how you should be with them.
The trick is to mirror back to your customer the way they communicate with you, but with a touch more warmth in your manner to make them feel that bit more special.
Warmth in customer service doesn’t come from calling your customers and clients ‘gorgeous’ and ‘sweetheart’. It comes from genuine ‘smiling-with-your-eyes’ smiles, being interested in what they say, caring about their responses when you’re having a conversation and using a friendly voice when you speak with them…plus doing all the little things that show you’re genuinely glad that they walked through your door.
Because good service should feel genuine - not overly familiar.
“But I like calling my customers these words if I don’t know their name,” I hear you say. Fair enough but here’s the first lesson from Business 101 – it’s not about you. It’s always about what your customers like and if you’re not sure if they like it, then don’t do it. And the second lesson, find out their name!
“My customers like it when I use these terms,” you add. Do they? Do they really? Or are they just being polite and smiling because they feel awkward and don’t know how else to respond?
This is one of those times where it’s important to understand ‘Perception is Reality’. Your perception is that you’re being wonderful because you called them love, honey or gorgeous. Their perception is that it was weird, made them feel awkward, and that they didn’t like it at all.
Great customer service is about being a chameleon, adjusting your approach to suit your customers so that they have a really fantastic experience.
At the risk of repeating myself, it’s not about you. It’s about the customer.
How do you want your customers to feel when they leave your business? Respected, happy and satisfied, having enjoyed their experience. Or will you risk their last memory being the person that called them a fake platitude and made them feel a little bit foolish? And honestly, if it’s an older female customer that you’re using this on, it will almost certainly be discussed at her next catch-up coffee with her best friends.
The problem is, if they don’t like it then the first you will ever know about it is that they don’t come back because they’re probably far too polite to tell you when they’re in your store.
Learn to mirror how your customers relate to you and that way you will know how to give them the service that they enjoy when they come back next time. And also, if you really want to make them feel special, learn their name.